It’s confusing — I can’t tell if a ‘shorty’ is a baby or the woman who had the baby.
— Stephen Colbert, on rap
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Your previous album was called ‘Return to Cookie Mountain.’ Why would you ever leave Cookie Mountain? That sounds delicious!
— Stephen Colbert, interviewing TV on the Radio
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Not enough chicken wings for the Super Bowl?! Watching the Super Bowl without a plate of chicken wings, that’s like making love without a plate of chicken wings.
— Stephen Colbert, on the possible chicken wing shortage
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Are you saying there’s stem cells in my iPhone?
— Stephen Colbert, on science
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Ponzi schemes get a bad rap. Too often, they’re confused with the far more devious ‘Fonzie Scheme,’ where you defraud a jukebox out of thousands of dollars in nickles and avoid tax liability by using a bathroom as an office.
— Stephen Colbert, on the financial dangers of The Fonz
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